how i survived...

for the most part of my life, i was seated comfortably on the back seat of a car being driven by someone on some nice roads. my only job was to remain seated and enjoy the view through the glass. true, sometimes the ride got bumpy, ran out of gas, etc. but then i knew where life was taking me. and then one day i was given the wheel to my life...


i do not know how many times i fell in and out of consciousness. i had lost complete track of time. i dint know if i had been stuck here for hours or weeks. i had lost a lot of blood. the pain that was shooting up my leg all this time had been replaced by a numbness. or had i imagined the pain all this while?


after having a learner’s license for some time, i was given the license to drive my own life. at first, i enjoyed the speed, the thrill and the freedom of it all. i got careless. and that’s when it happened. i don’t remember much of it. just that i lost control and my life went off the road into the woods...


i was holding onto the rocks around me to prevent myself from going over. my current situation, though protecting my life, was also taking a heavy toll on me, i just dint know it yet. the waters which seemed like such a blessing thus far, felt alternately like sharp swords and a wall of molten metal against me...


i had no idea where i was... there was no sign of my car... i was just happy that i was not hurt... i was hungry and i needed water. i could hear a stream somewhere in the woods. there was no visible path before me. i could not think of anything helpful. but i started to make my way towards the source of the sound...


i must’ve been crying, i just didn’t know it. i had no energy left.


the stones hurt my feet and thorns pricked my body, but i kept going... somehow i felt no fear. at that time, my only concern was getting to the water, life-giving water. did it sound closer now? yes. i’m going in the right direction. it must just be beyond those boulders. no? ok, maybe just a little more ahead...


so i stayed put there, for want of a better way out. i knew i could not stay there forever, but the options before me were not too enticing. the water kept coming at me relentlessly...


and then i saw it. beneath a silver moon, black waters slipping by. i drank my fill. and then some more. i rested. when the dawn came, i saw how worn out i was. my problem of thirst was replaced by a fear of being lost. i wandered on the bank of the river, hoping for a sign, some clue, but there was nothing...


i feared to free my leg. i did not know if i had the strength to assess the situation. would the currents take me over? can i make it to the other shore? or maybe at least return to my shore? there was fruit on this side, i knew it, i wanted it. but i also wanted to get away from this situation. so should i try to drag myself to the other shore? would the next few rocks be slippery? what if i lost my hold? maybe the falls was not so deep after all...


on the far side, there seemed to be many paths. all leading in different directions. but i was not sure if they actually existed, or if it was just a mirage. should i abandon my source of water and nourishing fruits i found by this bank, for the unknown of the other side?


i had been stuck here for so long that my time on the highway felt like a dream now, or maybe even a past life! every muscle in my body ached from holding on and my mind screamed to let go, but there was something else egging me to hang on...


cut off from the world i was fast getting disillusioned. i had no idea if someone was even looking for me. it was then i decided to move on from my haven and try to cross this river before me. i chose out a seemingly harmless looking spot to begin my crossing...


the hot afternoons were replaced by cold nights, which made way for another day under the sun. i did not remember when i had last slept. my eyelids were getting heavy, but i could not afford to sleep now.


the water was warm and welcoming and i made good progress. i was about halfway through when the currents got much stronger... i probably should’ve turned around, but i pressed on. and then i missed my foothold...


the chill was long gone, replaced by an acceptance brought on by helplessness. the deafening roar of the river scared me no more. i was here to conquer it as much as it was there to vanquish me...


i got swept off my feet and carried away swiftly by the waters... i had no time to react. by the time i understood what was going on, i was hurtling toward sharp rocks jutting out from the riverbed and an ominous crashing sound, a waterfall...


i opened my eyes with a start. my heart was beating wildly. had i fallen asleep? was this a dream? no. i am still in the same position. had i fallen asleep? or was i dreaming now that i’m still here. the pain was still very real. had i gone over the edge and only my mind now remains of me, stuck here in an infinite loop? are those people i see on the river banks? yes, they are people from my past and they are looking at me. no, there is no one there, i’m just hallucinating...


i don’t know when or how, but just before the water fell off the edge in a great cascade, my foot got stuck in a crevice. i dared not see over the edge, for i knew it was a long way down... the blood from my wounds mixed with the water and gave it a red tinge in the afternoon sun...


but then i saw the beauty of the moment. i forgot the pain for a while. the mild sun made a thousand rainbows in the droplets rising from the falls. the river seemed to have slowed down, it was no longer pushing me. the breeze cooled my soul. as far as the eyes could see, there were green trees downriver. this water gave life. i lived to fight another day, there was still hope, i could make my choice later. i saw some birds flying toward the skies and i closed my eyes and became a bird, flying into the blue skies with them, with nothing to hold me down...