most guys harbour a fantasy that they would meet a pretty girl when they are travelling and instantly hit it off, fall in love, have a fairytale wedding and live happily ever after. this extreme optimism surfaces without fail everytime we get into our bus, train or flight and the adjacent seat is vacant. i am not sure if it is something brought on by genes or movies, but each of us has surely thought at some point of time, "this is going to be my lucky day!"
well, i have had my dreams cruelly ended almost everytime, by various causes. oily, mustached men, stinking, pot-bellied men, snoring men, men smelling of gutka, alcohol and themselves, loud men on their phones, coughing men, sneezing men, spitting men, godmen (self styled)... heck, even a filled coop of clucking chicken once! but braving the odds, we always looked ahead to the next journey!
and then one night...
i was at a tiny station in the middle of nowhere. the moon was just a sliver, peeking at us from between dark clouds. as the public address system blared out that my train was expected in some time, i started walking to the spot where my bogie was to stop. i had reached the dark end of the small platform, with only sleepy dogs for company. maybe it is when you expect it the least that something amazing happens to you...
my train arrived and i got on with the single point agenda of catching some sleep. the fact that my stomach was growling with hunger and there was nothing to eat at this unearthly hour meant that it would be difficult. i got busy searching for my berth, partly thankful that staying awake meant lesser chances of me missing my destination station - a constant fear, given my track record!
it was only when i was settled on my upper berth, flinching at the light still kept on, followed it unto the switch on the side lower berth, that our eyes first met. an angelic face, wide open eyes - even this late at night, hand frozen halfway in her packet of chips. she gave me a curious look, and smiled. i was hooked!
i waved at her and she waved back. she mouthed me something which i could not understand. almost everyone around us were fast asleep. she said something again, louder, which is when i understood that she was speaking a different language, and also when her family woke up. damn!
i quickly re-adjusted my position. she was being admonished for being up so late from what i could understand. her voice was so sweet!
the light was switched off and she lay down. i could still make out her face from the dim light. she was awake! i waved my lit mobile screen at her, and she waved back with a giggle. i was smiling a wide smile - a banana could be stuffed into my mouth sideways!
the hours swiftly sped by...
all too soon my station was coming up. the lights came on. she was sitting there, looking at the mirror with a forlorn look on her face. i felt a tinge of sadness at having to get off the train. but as i was getting down from my berth, the unimaginable happened! her family was also up, pulling out their luggage from under the berths. i gave her a broad smile, but she was still brooding.
her family was complaining about the rains at this time of the year. i took my chance at initiating a conversation. it turned out they were coming here for the first time and had not planned out anything. they had not even decided the places to visit! as the train pulled into our station, i had finished listing out the places they should see on their trip. as her family alighted, a little less nervous about their trip now, she got up, pretty in pink, looked at me, shook my hand and got off without a word.
i did not know what to say. i got off quietly. it was raining heavily. i stood under the crowded shelter on the platform, while they made their way towards the exit in the rain. suddenly i had an idea! i jogged up behind them and offered to drop them in my car, which was parked outside. they gratefully agreed, but she was still in a sombre mood. i flashed her a quick smile and rushed out.
i paid the parking attendant, got my car out, reversed it in the wrong direction on a one-way lane toward the station exit where they were waiting for me. opening the doors, i grinned at them sheepishly, ruffled my wet hair and hoped that i would not catch a cold tomorrow.
the streets were deserted at this late hour. while everyone talked in the car, she sat there silently, looking out of the rain-streaked window. i kept looking at her in the rear-view mirror, but she would not look at me.
the rain had subsided and there was only a cold wind blowing as i parked in front of their hotel and helped them with their bags. i invited them home, as a formality, and they politely thanked me and said they will try to come. she smiled wryly at me. maybe she was tired, but it seemed like she was saying "this was going to happen..."
i got into the car and they waved me goodbye, and i set off for the long drive home... who knows, another journey, another time, someone may be waiting for me...
epilogue: why did i not ask her for her number? simple. she did not know much of hindi or english, she could count only up to 12, and her age was probably that divided by 4 - so i do not think she owned a mobile phone! but i will always remember her cute dimpled smile...
Wednesday 30 November 2011
mischievous smile...
natkat hasi wali ladki,
tumhe apna kehne ko dil tarasta hai,
tumhare aankhon ki khushi,
tumhari zulfon ki khushbhu ko dil tarasta hai,
tumhare naak pe baite gusse,
tumhari maasoom hatheliyon ko dil tarasta hai;
jaanta hoon ki nahi main is kaabil,
ki do kadam tumhare saath chal sakta,
hamari ek duniya basa kar,
is samaj ki nazron se tumhe chura sakta,
par jo tum mujhe apne dil se door, apni kalai pe bhi sajaati,
tab bhi main tumhari dhadkano ko sunn sakta...
tumhe apna kehne ko dil tarasta hai,
tumhare aankhon ki khushi,
tumhari zulfon ki khushbhu ko dil tarasta hai,
tumhare naak pe baite gusse,
tumhari maasoom hatheliyon ko dil tarasta hai;
jaanta hoon ki nahi main is kaabil,
ki do kadam tumhare saath chal sakta,
hamari ek duniya basa kar,
is samaj ki nazron se tumhe chura sakta,
par jo tum mujhe apne dil se door, apni kalai pe bhi sajaati,
tab bhi main tumhari dhadkano ko sunn sakta...
Thursday 28 July 2011
a rainy evening...
i had a bus to catch that evening from the main stand and i found myself in a familiar queue for the local shuttle, a whole two hours before i had to catch my bus. the shuttle usually took 40 minutes for a 30 kilometre journey to the main stand, and it made no stops in between. it was my preferred mode of transport here.
the tickets are issued at the booth only when a shuttle arrives from the destination i was headed for and after emptying its load here, the driver reverses the board and heads back to where he came from. not a very bright idea, as peak load times would mean shuttle build up at the wrong end!
anyways, our shuttle had not arrived yet and there was a steady drizzle outside. i counted the number of people ahead of me in the queue. if each of them bought only a ticket for themselves, then i might make it into this bus. else i'd have to wait for another one to come by.
finally a shuttle arrived and as the people saw it coming from a distance, they all stopped their conversations and got into the queue properly, with exact change in their hands. the cat lying near my feet, probably having had a heavy meal at the nearby fish market, yawned and stretched itself, shaking its head at the unwelcome commotion.
21, 22... yes! i made it to the ticket booth and tickets were available. i settled into my seat, the last row window seat, and waited for the remaining passengers to fill in. it had stopped raining now. i loved the rains, but was not carrying any rain gear today, so i thought its good that the rains stay away till i get into my bus for the evening.
the shuttle passed swiftly through the familiar places and i watched as again i had to leave all this behind to go earn my living, in the hope that someday i'd have saved enough to make a place for me under the sun (or rain) here.
30 minutes and no sign of rain yet. but a look at the skies and i knew what i had in store for me. the skies were grey all the way till the horizon, with heavy, rain bearing clouds and there would be no respite once this downpour starts. and i knew when it would start too, just as i reach the main stand. i could almost feel it.
myriad shades of green swished by my window and lakes filled up to the brim with crystal clear water smiled at me happily. dark red water flowed across the roads - waters from a previous downpour having dissolved the mineral rich soil found in this part of the world.
and surely enough, as our shuttle approached the first big roundabout of the city, the heavens opened up. our tiny shuttle was lashed by torrents of water, quite like a tiny dinghy would be in a stormy ocean! the driver quickly guided his ravaged vessel into the hangars of the local bus stand. i was the last guy to get off, thankful for the flimsy yet available sheets of plastic forming the roof.
but i still had a problem. i was in the local bus stand and had to go to the main stand. and there was a huge gap between the two enclosures. the 5 minutes of rain already had a small river flowing in that area.
the crowd under our roof was swelling. but many people had come with their umbrellas. some of them, too lazy to fold their umbrellas as they passed through our platform, just lifted them higher and squeezed their way through the huddle. as they did so, droplets of rain from their umbrellas fell on our heads and there arose collective murmurs of disapproval.
then there were others who had their umbrellas carefully tucked into their bags. they removed their prized possessions once the rain gods relented a bit and made their way hurriedly to wherever they were headed.
for once i was really early to someplace i had to go to. i thus had the luxury of waiting out the rains. but now it started pouring again. coupled with strong winds this time. our platform was just plastic domes atop tall metal stilts, not much protection in this weather!
the chatter around me rose. kids had to get home after tuition, tourists had to catch their buses, friends had to reach a party, someone would miss seeing off someone, dinner would be served late as husbands were stranded with their shopping bags, traders had to load their wares on buses that would depart soon, drunkards would be late for their drinks!
amidst all this bustle, there was a girl enjoying the rains. she was already drenched, yet she was looking at the heavens with a wry smile. drops of water ran down from her dark hair to her dark maroon top. she did not seem to be paying attention to the rabble around her.
another batch of people, knowing that the rains are not going to subside soon, opened their umbrellas and stepped out, resigned to their fate. i had half the heart to ask someone for a lift under their umbrella till the main stand. but all these years away from this place had made me grow hesitant.
not that the people had changed much from my earlier days here, there were still plenty of people getting lifts like i used to, but i felt i did not fit in here any more. the rains admonished the escaping people with some thunder and lightening for their temerity of ignoring the show that has been put up.
the girl seemed busy. she was trying to figure out something. i soon realized what that was. i had been standing some time back where she stood now. and there was a leak in the roof above. occasionally a big, fat drop of water would fall splat on your head. and she was trying to see where the water was coming from.
as she was looking around, our eyes met, and i pointed out the spot where the water was collecting before it descended upon its target. her eyes followed my finger to the leak on the roof. she smiled to herself, for being so obvious i suppose.
great gusts of wind now sprayed the rain into the enclosure and people who stood snugly in the middle also got drenched. everyone started jostling after this, but anywhere you stood, the rains could reach you. in all the commotion, i found myself standing next to this girl now.
she was pretty. with warm, brown eyes. warm even in this weather. she looked up at me and smiled. her smile reached her eyes. and i smiled back. but mine was just a polite smile. i wasn't really smiling.
i felt empty. i felt guilty. and so i stepped out. out of the shelter. out into the rains. she was still looking at me and smiling. i just turned around and walked toward the main stand.
i was not running, as people around me were. there was no use running. i could not run. i just walked slowly toward the gate, ignoring the puddles of water underfoot. i stretched out my arms and let the rain drench me. i soaked it in.
as i crossed the gate, i looked back. i could not see her now, but i'm sure she was there. smiling. happy.
i went in. i had a bus to catch...
the tickets are issued at the booth only when a shuttle arrives from the destination i was headed for and after emptying its load here, the driver reverses the board and heads back to where he came from. not a very bright idea, as peak load times would mean shuttle build up at the wrong end!
anyways, our shuttle had not arrived yet and there was a steady drizzle outside. i counted the number of people ahead of me in the queue. if each of them bought only a ticket for themselves, then i might make it into this bus. else i'd have to wait for another one to come by.
finally a shuttle arrived and as the people saw it coming from a distance, they all stopped their conversations and got into the queue properly, with exact change in their hands. the cat lying near my feet, probably having had a heavy meal at the nearby fish market, yawned and stretched itself, shaking its head at the unwelcome commotion.
21, 22... yes! i made it to the ticket booth and tickets were available. i settled into my seat, the last row window seat, and waited for the remaining passengers to fill in. it had stopped raining now. i loved the rains, but was not carrying any rain gear today, so i thought its good that the rains stay away till i get into my bus for the evening.
the shuttle passed swiftly through the familiar places and i watched as again i had to leave all this behind to go earn my living, in the hope that someday i'd have saved enough to make a place for me under the sun (or rain) here.
30 minutes and no sign of rain yet. but a look at the skies and i knew what i had in store for me. the skies were grey all the way till the horizon, with heavy, rain bearing clouds and there would be no respite once this downpour starts. and i knew when it would start too, just as i reach the main stand. i could almost feel it.
myriad shades of green swished by my window and lakes filled up to the brim with crystal clear water smiled at me happily. dark red water flowed across the roads - waters from a previous downpour having dissolved the mineral rich soil found in this part of the world.
and surely enough, as our shuttle approached the first big roundabout of the city, the heavens opened up. our tiny shuttle was lashed by torrents of water, quite like a tiny dinghy would be in a stormy ocean! the driver quickly guided his ravaged vessel into the hangars of the local bus stand. i was the last guy to get off, thankful for the flimsy yet available sheets of plastic forming the roof.
but i still had a problem. i was in the local bus stand and had to go to the main stand. and there was a huge gap between the two enclosures. the 5 minutes of rain already had a small river flowing in that area.
the crowd under our roof was swelling. but many people had come with their umbrellas. some of them, too lazy to fold their umbrellas as they passed through our platform, just lifted them higher and squeezed their way through the huddle. as they did so, droplets of rain from their umbrellas fell on our heads and there arose collective murmurs of disapproval.
then there were others who had their umbrellas carefully tucked into their bags. they removed their prized possessions once the rain gods relented a bit and made their way hurriedly to wherever they were headed.
for once i was really early to someplace i had to go to. i thus had the luxury of waiting out the rains. but now it started pouring again. coupled with strong winds this time. our platform was just plastic domes atop tall metal stilts, not much protection in this weather!
the chatter around me rose. kids had to get home after tuition, tourists had to catch their buses, friends had to reach a party, someone would miss seeing off someone, dinner would be served late as husbands were stranded with their shopping bags, traders had to load their wares on buses that would depart soon, drunkards would be late for their drinks!
amidst all this bustle, there was a girl enjoying the rains. she was already drenched, yet she was looking at the heavens with a wry smile. drops of water ran down from her dark hair to her dark maroon top. she did not seem to be paying attention to the rabble around her.
another batch of people, knowing that the rains are not going to subside soon, opened their umbrellas and stepped out, resigned to their fate. i had half the heart to ask someone for a lift under their umbrella till the main stand. but all these years away from this place had made me grow hesitant.
not that the people had changed much from my earlier days here, there were still plenty of people getting lifts like i used to, but i felt i did not fit in here any more. the rains admonished the escaping people with some thunder and lightening for their temerity of ignoring the show that has been put up.
the girl seemed busy. she was trying to figure out something. i soon realized what that was. i had been standing some time back where she stood now. and there was a leak in the roof above. occasionally a big, fat drop of water would fall splat on your head. and she was trying to see where the water was coming from.
as she was looking around, our eyes met, and i pointed out the spot where the water was collecting before it descended upon its target. her eyes followed my finger to the leak on the roof. she smiled to herself, for being so obvious i suppose.
great gusts of wind now sprayed the rain into the enclosure and people who stood snugly in the middle also got drenched. everyone started jostling after this, but anywhere you stood, the rains could reach you. in all the commotion, i found myself standing next to this girl now.
she was pretty. with warm, brown eyes. warm even in this weather. she looked up at me and smiled. her smile reached her eyes. and i smiled back. but mine was just a polite smile. i wasn't really smiling.
i felt empty. i felt guilty. and so i stepped out. out of the shelter. out into the rains. she was still looking at me and smiling. i just turned around and walked toward the main stand.
i was not running, as people around me were. there was no use running. i could not run. i just walked slowly toward the gate, ignoring the puddles of water underfoot. i stretched out my arms and let the rain drench me. i soaked it in.
as i crossed the gate, i looked back. i could not see her now, but i'm sure she was there. smiling. happy.
i went in. i had a bus to catch...
Tuesday 7 June 2011
how i survived...
for the most part of my life, i was seated comfortably on the back seat of a car being driven by someone on some nice roads. my only job was to remain seated and enjoy the view through the glass. true, sometimes the ride got bumpy, ran out of gas, etc. but then i knew where life was taking me. and then one day i was given the wheel to my life...
i do not know how many times i fell in and out of consciousness. i had lost complete track of time. i dint know if i had been stuck here for hours or weeks. i had lost a lot of blood. the pain that was shooting up my leg all this time had been replaced by a numbness. or had i imagined the pain all this while?
after having a learner’s license for some time, i was given the license to drive my own life. at first, i enjoyed the speed, the thrill and the freedom of it all. i got careless. and that’s when it happened. i don’t remember much of it. just that i lost control and my life went off the road into the woods...
i was holding onto the rocks around me to prevent myself from going over. my current situation, though protecting my life, was also taking a heavy toll on me, i just dint know it yet. the waters which seemed like such a blessing thus far, felt alternately like sharp swords and a wall of molten metal against me...
i had no idea where i was... there was no sign of my car... i was just happy that i was not hurt... i was hungry and i needed water. i could hear a stream somewhere in the woods. there was no visible path before me. i could not think of anything helpful. but i started to make my way towards the source of the sound...
i must’ve been crying, i just didn’t know it. i had no energy left.
the stones hurt my feet and thorns pricked my body, but i kept going... somehow i felt no fear. at that time, my only concern was getting to the water, life-giving water. did it sound closer now? yes. i’m going in the right direction. it must just be beyond those boulders. no? ok, maybe just a little more ahead...
so i stayed put there, for want of a better way out. i knew i could not stay there forever, but the options before me were not too enticing. the water kept coming at me relentlessly...
and then i saw it. beneath a silver moon, black waters slipping by. i drank my fill. and then some more. i rested. when the dawn came, i saw how worn out i was. my problem of thirst was replaced by a fear of being lost. i wandered on the bank of the river, hoping for a sign, some clue, but there was nothing...
i feared to free my leg. i did not know if i had the strength to assess the situation. would the currents take me over? can i make it to the other shore? or maybe at least return to my shore? there was fruit on this side, i knew it, i wanted it. but i also wanted to get away from this situation. so should i try to drag myself to the other shore? would the next few rocks be slippery? what if i lost my hold? maybe the falls was not so deep after all...
on the far side, there seemed to be many paths. all leading in different directions. but i was not sure if they actually existed, or if it was just a mirage. should i abandon my source of water and nourishing fruits i found by this bank, for the unknown of the other side?
i had been stuck here for so long that my time on the highway felt like a dream now, or maybe even a past life! every muscle in my body ached from holding on and my mind screamed to let go, but there was something else egging me to hang on...
cut off from the world i was fast getting disillusioned. i had no idea if someone was even looking for me. it was then i decided to move on from my haven and try to cross this river before me. i chose out a seemingly harmless looking spot to begin my crossing...
the hot afternoons were replaced by cold nights, which made way for another day under the sun. i did not remember when i had last slept. my eyelids were getting heavy, but i could not afford to sleep now.
the water was warm and welcoming and i made good progress. i was about halfway through when the currents got much stronger... i probably should’ve turned around, but i pressed on. and then i missed my foothold...
the chill was long gone, replaced by an acceptance brought on by helplessness. the deafening roar of the river scared me no more. i was here to conquer it as much as it was there to vanquish me...
i got swept off my feet and carried away swiftly by the waters... i had no time to react. by the time i understood what was going on, i was hurtling toward sharp rocks jutting out from the riverbed and an ominous crashing sound, a waterfall...
i opened my eyes with a start. my heart was beating wildly. had i fallen asleep? was this a dream? no. i am still in the same position. had i fallen asleep? or was i dreaming now that i’m still here. the pain was still very real. had i gone over the edge and only my mind now remains of me, stuck here in an infinite loop? are those people i see on the river banks? yes, they are people from my past and they are looking at me. no, there is no one there, i’m just hallucinating...
i don’t know when or how, but just before the water fell off the edge in a great cascade, my foot got stuck in a crevice. i dared not see over the edge, for i knew it was a long way down... the blood from my wounds mixed with the water and gave it a red tinge in the afternoon sun...
but then i saw the beauty of the moment. i forgot the pain for a while. the mild sun made a thousand rainbows in the droplets rising from the falls. the river seemed to have slowed down, it was no longer pushing me. the breeze cooled my soul. as far as the eyes could see, there were green trees downriver. this water gave life. i lived to fight another day, there was still hope, i could make my choice later. i saw some birds flying toward the skies and i closed my eyes and became a bird, flying into the blue skies with them, with nothing to hold me down...
i do not know how many times i fell in and out of consciousness. i had lost complete track of time. i dint know if i had been stuck here for hours or weeks. i had lost a lot of blood. the pain that was shooting up my leg all this time had been replaced by a numbness. or had i imagined the pain all this while?
after having a learner’s license for some time, i was given the license to drive my own life. at first, i enjoyed the speed, the thrill and the freedom of it all. i got careless. and that’s when it happened. i don’t remember much of it. just that i lost control and my life went off the road into the woods...
i was holding onto the rocks around me to prevent myself from going over. my current situation, though protecting my life, was also taking a heavy toll on me, i just dint know it yet. the waters which seemed like such a blessing thus far, felt alternately like sharp swords and a wall of molten metal against me...
i had no idea where i was... there was no sign of my car... i was just happy that i was not hurt... i was hungry and i needed water. i could hear a stream somewhere in the woods. there was no visible path before me. i could not think of anything helpful. but i started to make my way towards the source of the sound...
i must’ve been crying, i just didn’t know it. i had no energy left.
the stones hurt my feet and thorns pricked my body, but i kept going... somehow i felt no fear. at that time, my only concern was getting to the water, life-giving water. did it sound closer now? yes. i’m going in the right direction. it must just be beyond those boulders. no? ok, maybe just a little more ahead...
so i stayed put there, for want of a better way out. i knew i could not stay there forever, but the options before me were not too enticing. the water kept coming at me relentlessly...
and then i saw it. beneath a silver moon, black waters slipping by. i drank my fill. and then some more. i rested. when the dawn came, i saw how worn out i was. my problem of thirst was replaced by a fear of being lost. i wandered on the bank of the river, hoping for a sign, some clue, but there was nothing...
i feared to free my leg. i did not know if i had the strength to assess the situation. would the currents take me over? can i make it to the other shore? or maybe at least return to my shore? there was fruit on this side, i knew it, i wanted it. but i also wanted to get away from this situation. so should i try to drag myself to the other shore? would the next few rocks be slippery? what if i lost my hold? maybe the falls was not so deep after all...
on the far side, there seemed to be many paths. all leading in different directions. but i was not sure if they actually existed, or if it was just a mirage. should i abandon my source of water and nourishing fruits i found by this bank, for the unknown of the other side?
i had been stuck here for so long that my time on the highway felt like a dream now, or maybe even a past life! every muscle in my body ached from holding on and my mind screamed to let go, but there was something else egging me to hang on...
cut off from the world i was fast getting disillusioned. i had no idea if someone was even looking for me. it was then i decided to move on from my haven and try to cross this river before me. i chose out a seemingly harmless looking spot to begin my crossing...
the hot afternoons were replaced by cold nights, which made way for another day under the sun. i did not remember when i had last slept. my eyelids were getting heavy, but i could not afford to sleep now.
the water was warm and welcoming and i made good progress. i was about halfway through when the currents got much stronger... i probably should’ve turned around, but i pressed on. and then i missed my foothold...
the chill was long gone, replaced by an acceptance brought on by helplessness. the deafening roar of the river scared me no more. i was here to conquer it as much as it was there to vanquish me...
i got swept off my feet and carried away swiftly by the waters... i had no time to react. by the time i understood what was going on, i was hurtling toward sharp rocks jutting out from the riverbed and an ominous crashing sound, a waterfall...
i opened my eyes with a start. my heart was beating wildly. had i fallen asleep? was this a dream? no. i am still in the same position. had i fallen asleep? or was i dreaming now that i’m still here. the pain was still very real. had i gone over the edge and only my mind now remains of me, stuck here in an infinite loop? are those people i see on the river banks? yes, they are people from my past and they are looking at me. no, there is no one there, i’m just hallucinating...
i don’t know when or how, but just before the water fell off the edge in a great cascade, my foot got stuck in a crevice. i dared not see over the edge, for i knew it was a long way down... the blood from my wounds mixed with the water and gave it a red tinge in the afternoon sun...
but then i saw the beauty of the moment. i forgot the pain for a while. the mild sun made a thousand rainbows in the droplets rising from the falls. the river seemed to have slowed down, it was no longer pushing me. the breeze cooled my soul. as far as the eyes could see, there were green trees downriver. this water gave life. i lived to fight another day, there was still hope, i could make my choice later. i saw some birds flying toward the skies and i closed my eyes and became a bird, flying into the blue skies with them, with nothing to hold me down...
Friday 13 May 2011
bas raat ka saath...
palak jhapakne se girte hain aansu,
bheed mein bhi tanhai ki aahat sunai deti hai,
aaj phir guzra main un raahon se,
jahan tere khayalon ki mehek aati hai...
tujhe dekhne tarasti hain nigaahein,
mann bechain ho jaata hai,
haath kahin choot gaye the in raahon mein,
par aaj itne anjaan lage tum ki dil bhar aata hai...
bheed mein bhi tanhai ki aahat sunai deti hai,
aaj phir guzra main un raahon se,
jahan tere khayalon ki mehek aati hai...
tujhe dekhne tarasti hain nigaahein,
mann bechain ho jaata hai,
haath kahin choot gaye the in raahon mein,
par aaj itne anjaan lage tum ki dil bhar aata hai...
Tuesday 8 March 2011
another one bites the dust...
Deeply absorbed in my day as I was, I had failed to notice that the end had come about so swiftly. As I dropped him off for the last time at his turn, I suddenly realized that we were all going to miss his quirky humour and friendly grin from the next day. I watched him as he trudged along with his stuff, declining my offer to drop him closer to home as always, quietly, under the orange glow of the street lights.
As I have been so many times over the years now, once again, I knew I was going to be left with no company to share the miserable food and watery juice everyday. No one to share my suffering and to make grand plans with me everyday. Not comfortable thoughts. Having said that, he's the guy who probably threw my meticulous account system out of gear!
It seemed like an eternity before he became obscure in the sparse late night crowd on his lane. For the first time I saw that he had a long way to walk, all these days, now and in the days to come.
Thinking about the cowardice of it all, a dark fist of anger rose within me. But all I could do was knock the wind out of myself with that. Yeah, that's all I could ever do... Is it good to always try to be politically correct?
My thoughts went back to how similar, yet how different we were. All we wanted to do was work, sincerely, honestly. Backbreaking work, that would put us to sound sleep every night, with the contentment that it was a good day's work and wake up the next day with the zeal to tackle some more hurdles. Yet, all we got was indifference. A weird world where the collective good is put after huge egos. He probably saw it coming. And let go of the sinking boat before it could take him down with it. Else, a few years from now, he would be me...
Surrounded as we were by fake smiles and false promises, it was always easy to let go of righteousness and become a back stabber like the rest of the mob. But choosing to fight it out, albeit knowingly in a losing cause, was the honourable thing to do. At least we did not have to cower behind any excuses. Whatever was done was there for everyone to see. Our motives unquestionable. And for that, a pat on the back is deserved. We are a dwindling tribe indeed!
I'm sure he finds himself all at sea now. Wishing he'd never let go of that boat. But stay afloat my friend. Its dark now and when the sun rises tomorrow, you'll see that land is well within reach. It always was, we just couldn't see it in the night...
As I have been so many times over the years now, once again, I knew I was going to be left with no company to share the miserable food and watery juice everyday. No one to share my suffering and to make grand plans with me everyday. Not comfortable thoughts. Having said that, he's the guy who probably threw my meticulous account system out of gear!
It seemed like an eternity before he became obscure in the sparse late night crowd on his lane. For the first time I saw that he had a long way to walk, all these days, now and in the days to come.
Thinking about the cowardice of it all, a dark fist of anger rose within me. But all I could do was knock the wind out of myself with that. Yeah, that's all I could ever do... Is it good to always try to be politically correct?
My thoughts went back to how similar, yet how different we were. All we wanted to do was work, sincerely, honestly. Backbreaking work, that would put us to sound sleep every night, with the contentment that it was a good day's work and wake up the next day with the zeal to tackle some more hurdles. Yet, all we got was indifference. A weird world where the collective good is put after huge egos. He probably saw it coming. And let go of the sinking boat before it could take him down with it. Else, a few years from now, he would be me...
Surrounded as we were by fake smiles and false promises, it was always easy to let go of righteousness and become a back stabber like the rest of the mob. But choosing to fight it out, albeit knowingly in a losing cause, was the honourable thing to do. At least we did not have to cower behind any excuses. Whatever was done was there for everyone to see. Our motives unquestionable. And for that, a pat on the back is deserved. We are a dwindling tribe indeed!
I'm sure he finds himself all at sea now. Wishing he'd never let go of that boat. But stay afloat my friend. Its dark now and when the sun rises tomorrow, you'll see that land is well within reach. It always was, we just couldn't see it in the night...
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